New Israeli Kingdom Disturbs Status Quo

TEL AVIV – With the fall of the Israeli government to a new monarchy, the now Kingdom of Israel has begun to expand into neighboring, and long disputed, territories and nations.

With the rise earlier this week of then-Prime Minister UKR4IN1AN to the new throne of Israel in what state media have described as a “coup”, an act which has set in motion a rather dramatic transformation of the Middle East, the now proclaimed Kingdom of Israel has announced a military incursion into the disputed West Bank, where they claim to have “dismantled” the Palestinian government there.

Israel also claims to have annexed the neighboring country of Lebanon, as well as taken the Sinai Peninsula, which is notable to control of the Suez Canal and is the only land bridge between Asia and Africa, after they say Egypt apparently signed a treaty giving up those lands.

Israel Kingdom May2017 graphic1

Israeli state media has also since declared the nation “has its surrounding neighbors also in its sights to expand Israeli efforts”, as well as stated that Israel “hopes to expand and present itself as the predominant power in the Middle East, soon surpassing the Ottomans”, leaving no uncertainty as to whether more conflict in the region is to be expected.

Indeed, after stating these ambitions, Israel quickly went on to look towards Syria to the north, declaring that the Syrian government has “officially transferred to Israeli rule” after a “peaceful convention with the Syrian [government]”. With this new addition to their growing empire, the Kingdom of Israel, also declaring the formation of a “Joint Anti-Ottoman Military Pact” with Iran and Armenia against Turkey’s “Imperial Ottoman Federation” of Middle East, Western Europe, and Central Asian states, has mobilized forces along its new borders with Turkey, as well as Iraq which is a member of the IOF.

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For their part, Iran, which has already gone to war with Turkey’s IOF reportedly over Turkey’s influence in Turkmenistan, has also reportedly mobilized forces to its own borders with Iraq, while Armenia has similarly mobilized forces to their border with Turkey.

In signing this new military pact against the IOF, the Israeli government reportedly declared, “We will support the Armenians in their fight to re-establish their native homeland; now occupied by Ottomans [sic]”.

Amidst this ongoing drama, Israeli leaders have also announced this week that they’ve secured a “defensive and military alliance” with the United States against “Arab invasions”, a claim US officials have thus far not publicly confirmed or otherwise indicated to be true, and which is especially surprising as the United States is no where to be found in the allies of Israel’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs. RTA has reached out to American officials for comment on this matter, and at time of publish have not yet received a response; this article may be updated with ongoing developments.

UPDATE 9:22PM EST May 31st, 2017 – Seemingly for the first time since these events began to unfold, United Nations Secretary General ChernayaAkula has spoken out on Twitter today about the Kingdom of Israel’s expansion, specially targeting Israeli King UKR4IN1AN.

Secretary General ChernayaAkula has noted longstanding accusations of cyber crimes by King UKR4IN1AN and stated that he had in the past been formally blacklisted from participating in the United Nations, a claim he however would walk back somewhat to clarify that it was the country of Ukraine, which he lead at the time, which was blacklisted and not UKR4IN1AN personally, though the Secretary General would add that he “should” have been banned.

The Secretary-General would go on to suggest King UKR4IN1AN will lead endanger Israel and Syria’s international reputations, finishing off his Tweets by stating, “When I think of UKRAINIAN I think of a DDoSing, scamming, malicious individual, who will put Israel and Syria into disrepute [sic]”.

UPDATE 5:34PM EST June 1st, 2017 – Eastern Thrace in Turkey was incorrectly colored on a map in this article, falsely indicating it was not part of Turkey, this mistake has been rectified and RTA greatly regrets it.


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