New Zealand Foreign Policy Drama Ends With Coup

WELLINGTON – In an ongoing battle over the foreign policy of New Zealand, and now the future of its democratic institutions, events have rapidly evolved throughout Wednesday night and Thursday morning, ending with the ouster of the nation’s government.

What started on Monday night at a international diplomatic upset, as the still freshly elected government of New Zealand declared that it would be cutting ties with all nations except the United Kingdom, Australia, and Denmark, has since only gone down hill from there. Starting, most notably, with a press conference by Deputy Prime Minister Alfredo_Stroessner late Wednesday night.

At said press conference, the DPM began by declaring that his government has “noticed huge issues throughout [the RoNations community]”, that “[most] alliances are not real alliances” and that “many nations are used by their relative partner a lot. Such as being forced into wars.” He would go on to say that, because of these issues, “it is our duty, as the current administration of New Zealand, to snip relations with all of the users and all of the inactives.”

DPM Alfredo_Stroessner would add on that nations were welcome to attempt to really New Zealand, but that new alliances would require greater engagements with the New Zealand government, stating, “And if you want to ally us, please come to us and arrange a meeting. All relation requests sent to us will not be accepted until then.”

Mr. Alfredo_Stroessner was unconcerned about the prospect of another New Zealand group taking advantage of their sudden reduction in allies, or that this incident may reduce their support within the United Nations and Commonwealth of Nations, saying “We will soon start getting back the active and trustworthy allies.” However, he would go on to add that, “At the moment, anti-commonwealthness [sic] is rising. Among our citizen population, and our government.”

READ ALSO: Israeli Kingdom Faces New ‘Coup’

Asked if he saw the possibility of New Zealand leaving the Commonwealth, the Deputy Prime Minister stated “Yes” before adding in a jab at the Commonwealth, stating that, “The British Empire has never officially ended. You can tell by Canada’s civil war. “

Alfred_Stroessner would add that a referendum would be held if anti-Commonwealth sentiment “rises hugely”, and that if such a referendum passed not only would they hold a second referendum to decide on whether to change the nation’s flag, which currently features the British “Union Jack” in its canton, but would also weigh forming an absolute monarchy with Prime Minister 007egleagent as the nation’s new King, replacing the current King, who is also King of the United Kingdom and several other Commonwealth nations, QuentinWellesley.

MILITARY JUNTA

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By the end of Deputy Prime Minister Alfred_Stroessner’s press conference in Wellington, where he detailed New Zealand’s somewhat increasingly isolationist foreign policy changes, the event had been disrupted several times by gunfire – both outside the building and inside, as unidentified persons battled with local police forces and targeted both the press and the government officials in attendance, including the DPM as well as Chief Justice Robert_Grey.

This violence would ultimately lead to the end of the press conference, as the Deputy Prime Minister, Chief Justice, and members of the international press fled to a nearby government building for safety. However, it seems this violence escalated further as the night went on, as purportedly pro-Commonwealth of Nations forces stormed Wellington in what has been characterized as a coup d’etat, with state-run media Television New Zealand (TVNZ) claiming these forces were “murdering innocent New Zealanders for having different opinions.”

By the morning, Prime Minister 007egleagent’s government was out of power, forced to form a government-in-exile on the island of Niue, a dependent territory of New Zealand which was until recently disputed with Australia and at one point with Tajikistan, in what the Prime Minister has characterized as a “Taiwan 2.0 situation”. In place of the democratically elected 007egleagent government, was instead a military junta under the leadership of Sephorous which, according to the still 007egleagent government-controlled TVNZ, has supposedly begun to suppress “opposition” and jail “innocent people”.

As a result of their exile, Prime Minister 007egleagent’s government has formed “a separatist anti-Commonwealth force” in Niue under the name of the “Niue Revolutionary Guard“. TVNZ, still under their control, has claimed that this “Revolutionary Guard” has won two “skirmishes” in Wellington throughout Thursday, where they claim “many people were taken hostage and many were arrested”. The Prime Minister’s retreat to Niue, and formation of a separatist force there, is perhaps most interesting in part in light of revelations during Deputy Prime Minister Alfred_Stroessner’s press conference on Wednesday that their government had previously seriously weighed backing guerrilla forces on Niue during their dispute over the island with Australia.

New Zealand’s Governor General, StewartThompson, has seemingly remained at his post throughout this episode, with no public statements from either them or the leaders of the military junta indicating either his removal from power or his intent to depart over the overthrow of his democratically elected government.

At present, the reinstatement of the democratically elected government of New Zealand seems unlikely, not least of all as that government has apparently shifted its focus towards securing Niue’s independence rather than retaking the rest of New Zealand. For their part, leader of the New Zealand military junta government, Sephorous, has told the Commonwealth of Nations that their rule will be “temporary” and that they will call elections to replace the junta possibly within the next week once they “arrest all conspirators and maoris”. However, how free those elections may be, or whether the results will be respected by either the New Zealand public or the international community, will remain to be seen.

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